You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
