put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
