What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
