I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
