I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
