I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
