just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
