If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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