do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
