Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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