He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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