I think im going to throw up on grandma
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
