So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
