the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
