i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
