saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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