We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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