never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
