I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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