he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
