I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had to cum in my sink.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
