I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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