I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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