Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
