remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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