I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
