Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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