Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
