i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
