I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
