I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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