Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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