May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
