My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
