we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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