Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
