My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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