also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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