i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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