I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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