I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
