i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
