So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
