If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize