SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
