me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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