he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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