If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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