oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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