Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
