We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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