Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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