Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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