I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
