Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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