gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
