God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
