I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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