I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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