Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i think i just lost a toe
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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