I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
