Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize