Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
