Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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