Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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