We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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