before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
