Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
