Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
