Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
