My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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