Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Small penises have feelings too.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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