love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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