I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
