i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
