the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
