Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
